[me]
*melyl*
lazing times
* tennis
* animal planet at home
[swing swing to the left to the right..wait..do can i differentiate left n right?]
*my wishlist*
:: ::
:: get into psychology NUS ::
:: quit my job! ::
:: start losing weight ::
:: go to USA ::
:: join SEASPORTS! in NUS ::
:: shop till i drop!!! ::
:: ::
[archive]
din do much today..morn waki at like 9 plus to go market place eat lo..den came home intended to do hw..but in the end i bathed aiai and played mahjong with mum and sisters..i won at first den in the end lost 5 bucks like tt lo..my mama lost 20 plus meimei lost 20 bucks..jiejie is the big winner la.haha..i v lousy la..play till left one rd i wan slp le..haha..den i reaction v slow..blurblur like tt haha...keep forgetting retake cards all these..stupid jiu shi stupid right..
they keep callin me the gong gong and blur blur one..haha..wadeva..
was rather happy de..but haiz..ya...same thing again..i try not to think le..i shd noe wad im doin now le..its difficult tho..but it doesnt seem to bother anione..onli me..made a step further today as a fren..but it seemed to hab backfired..mayb i hab to consider vic's viewpt le
another happy thing for me as a reason to smile..my uncle is fine..he wakie frm the operation le..can tok and move..heng ar....
later mayb going to holland v...hey stephie! the yumi hor...holland v hab le!!! its tt shop..my jiejie say de...how i wish i can hab another yumi drink..it reminds me of those happy days i hab in the first 3 mths and till it closed down...itll b nice..but to return to holland v is a torture to me too...nydc..holland v...
but ill b strong!
had test in the morn..quite ok la...can guarantee 1 mark..cox first question the answer is central bank..roger tell me de haha
but i did study for it k..
yapz..den i went home den went out to meet my 'classmates' supposedli..so god dam it angry can....i waited 1 hr all by myself at city hall mrt..frm 1230 to 130 and noone was there yet...den vanessa mike and nelson came..so i went with em to see the performance lo..not bad! hahaa
den i saw so mani pple lo...tdh,welson and gang.tsy ann dawn lester yuefeng alex jeremy and his stead..lau st ramen blablablablabla so mani shit...jinwen performed in the dance cheers and stuffs!! so cool jinwen jiu shi jinwen...love him man..he can realli dance well..haha
ya den felt damn hungry..it was 5pm liao and ive onli eaten a small pathetic piece of cake frm morn 7am..den i went to buy 3 pieces of sushi at carrefour lo..came out to queue for the tickets for the finals tt will b held on the 27th march at indoor stadium..itll b my first time there ba..who wans to watch with me? i got 4 tickets le..hahaha 4 per person...cool right?? something v paiseh tho...wenhui they all queue first one..den i eat finish i walk over wenhui pushed me to the first one cox a lot pple bhind den i first one lo..so paiseh can..i went red..haha
yap den went home by train with victor to pasir ris..he go find his dear huiyee den i went home myself..
had dinner with family and its so fun and nice! we ate rojak and the fried oyster thing..den meimei ate ba chor mee..den rice...haha i cudnt eat so much..i onli eat part of the rojak the fried oyster thing without oyster and some other food.den i super full liao..my appetite has definitely reduced a lot..haha
i told ma tt i wanted to cut my hair to short short..cox there was this gal who had the kind of hair i wanted walked pass...she gave me a deep stare and asked me if i was ok..haha too stressed??so think she dun allow lo..my meimei gave me the DUH face too.
at dinner me meimei and jiejie and leslie kept tokin abt southpark..teasin and playing...fun!! haha we were trying to read the chinese newpaper oso lo..den got a word we all dunno one..v fun la...
here's the sad thing..my uncle went for a 'small' operation to remove a part of the brain tumor to b tested le..this dangerous but considered small operation took 5 hrs or so...and the doc said something...when the real operation comes along..there is a possibility that he will no longer b able to speak and move the left part of his body animore..
tml we'll go visit him..altho i dunwan to go to tt blk again but i rather i get back all the memories like in the past den to lose the opportunity to see and tok to him..prob the last time he can tok to me liaoz..
life is realli torturing..so pls make it worth while ba..
i feel like a fool...all these while...a big big idiot...but it doesnt matter animore..
All the ladies if you feel me, help me sing it out...
I can't believe i believed
Everything we had would last
So young and naive for me to think
She was from your past
Silly of me to dream of
One day having your kids
Love is so blind
It feels right when it's wrong
I can't believe i fell for your schemes
I'm smarter than that
So young and naive to believe that with me
You're a changed man
Foolish of me to compete
When you cheat with loose women
It took me some time but now i moved on
Cuz i realized i got
Me myself and i
That's all i got in the end
That's what i found out
And it ain't no need to cry
I took a vow that from now on
I'm gonna be my own best friend
Me myself and i
That's all i got in the end
That's what i found out
And it ain't no need to cry
I took a vow that from now on
I'm gonna be my own best friend
So controlling , you said that you love me
But you don't
Your family told me one day
I would see it on my own
Next thing i know i'm dealing
With your three kids in my home
Love is so blind
It feels right when it's wrong
Now that it's over
Stop calling me
Come pick up your clothes
Ain't no need to front like you're still with me
All your homies know
Even your very best friend
Tried to warn me on the low
It took me some time
But now i am strong
Because i realized i got
Me myself and i
That's all i got in the end
That's what i found out
And it ain't no need to cry
I took a vow that from now on
I'm gonna be my own best friend
Me myself and i
That's all i got in the end
That's what i found out
And it ain't no need to cry
I took a vow that from now on
I'm gonna be my own best friend
Me myself and i
I know that i will never disappoint myself
I must have cried a thousand times
All the ladies if you feel me
Help me sing it now
I can't regret all the times spent with you
Ya, you hurt me
But i learned a lot along the way
After all the rain
You'll see the sun come out again
I know that i will never disappoint myself
"Don't Think Of Me"
So you're with her
and not with me
I hope she's sweet
and so pretty
I hear she cooks delightfully
a little angel beside you
So you're with her
and not with me
Oh how lucky one man can be
I hear your house
is small and clean
Oh how lovely with your homecoming queen
Oh how lovely it must be
When you see her sweet smile baby
Don't think of me
When she lays in your warm arms
Don't think of me
So you're with her
and not with me
I know she spreads sweet honey
In fact your best friend
I heard he spent last night with her
Now how do you feel
When you see her sweet smile baby
Don't think of me
When she lays in your warm arms
Don't think of me
And it's too late and it's too bad
Don't think of me
Oh it's too late and it's too bad
Don't think of me
Does it bother you now all the mess I made
Does it bother you now the clothes you told me not to wear
Does it bother you now all the angry games we played
Does it bother you now when I'm not there
When you see her sweet smile baby
Don't think of me
When she lays in your warm arms
Don't think of me
And it's too late and it's too bad
Don't think of me
Oh it's too late and it's too bad
Don't think of me
"Fuck It (I Don't Want You Back)"
Whoa oh oh
Ooh hooh
No No No
[Verse 1:]
See, I dont know why I liked you so much
I gave you all, of my trust
I told you, I loved you, now thats all down the drain
Ya put me through pain, I wanna let u know how I feel
[Chorus:]
Fuck what I said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses, they didn't mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, I dont want you back
Fuck what I said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses they didn't mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, I dont want you back
[Verse 2:]
You thought, you could
Keep this shit from me, yeah
Ya burnt bitch, I heard the story
Ya played me, ya even gave him head
Now ya askin for me back
Ya just another hag, look elsewhere
Cuz ya done with me
Fuck what I said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses they didn't mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, I dont want you back
Fuck what I said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses they didn't mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, I dont want you back
Oh oh Oh oh
Uh hun yeah
Oh oh Oh oh
Uh hun yeah
Oh oh Oh oh
Uh hun yeah
Oh oh Oh oh
Uh hun yeah
Ya questioned, did I care
You could ask anyone, I even said
Ya were my great one
Now its, over, but I do admit I'm sad.
It hurts real bad, I cant sweat that, cuz I loved a hoe
Fuck what I said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses they didn't mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, I dont want you back
Oh oh Oh oh
Uh hun yeah
Oh oh Oh oh
Uh hun yeah
Oh oh Oh oh
Uh hun yeah
Oh oh Oh oh
Uh huh yeah
[Until the end]
these are songs recommended! by dear jiayi and rice..haha e lyrics are fuckin cool ba...i think
I just want to feel safe in my own skin
I just want to be happy again
I just want to feel deep in my own world
but I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself anymore
On a different day if I was safe in my own skin
then I wouldn't feel so lost and so frightened
But this is today and I'm lost in my own skin
And I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself anymore
I just want to feel safe in my own skin
I just want to be happy again
I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
"You Don't Miss Your Water ('Til The Well Runs Dry)"
As I sail with you across the finest oceans
On a way to find the key to our emotions
Together we will move the clouds to brighter days
Some people question what I say
Tried to break up you and me
But I know this love between us is growing stronger
You can call me whenever from wherever
Just remember that
I'll be there
Through all the stormy weather
Us break up never
No we'll be together
Forever
[Chorus:]
You don't miss your water 'til the well runs dry
But I believe so strongly in you and I
Can somebody answer me the question why
You don't miss your water til the well runs dry
As I close my eyes
Sit back while reminiscing
Of when we used to fuss and fight but end up kissing
There may be sad and pain for time so long to wait
But in my heart you'll always be everything and more to me
For I know this love between us is growing stronger
You can call me whenever from wherever
Just remember that
I'll be there
Through all the stormy weather
Us break up never
No we'll be together
Forever
[Chorus]
For you are always on my mind
You are always on my mind
Girl you know that you
You are always
You are always on my mind
You are always forever
[Chorus]
You don't miss your water girl no
But I believe so strongly in you and I yeah
Can somebody answer me the question why
Cause you don't miss your water 'til the well runs dry yeah listen
If you ever get the feeling
You wanna play around starting cheating, remember
You don't miss your water 'til the well runs dry
this wk has been rather sway...monday had some probs lo..well u guys shd noe wad..they hurt eh? but nvm it's all over and our friendship has improved again! and i got hit by the lecture door and the tennis racket..and oso i forgot to take my medicine
tues was bad..for me...another rd of forgetting medicine but generalli in sch whole day was fine till...the very last lesson when mr naresh had econs in com lab 2...i went online and saw this blog..and i got..well..hurt la..was upset for the whole journey home.
den i slpt..bathed and headed for SGH.i promised myself 6 yrs ago nv to step into SGH animore..but this time rd...its for my uncle..who has 2 tumors in his brain and suffers frm smthing like a stroke and getting loss of memory.
he goes to the toilet and loses his way back..his head hurts a lot and e moment we saw him..they( mum aunties..) cried..
to b bad enough..the reality tt i hab been trying to escape frm...i went back..my uncle is staying in the very same blk tt my godma passed away in..blk 7..its the bad condition patient blk i think...he is at the 4th flr while my godma's was at the 7th flr..i still rem the exact ward...everything came back upon me
my dad was scared too...scared tt he'll cry again..so we parked the car at the other carpark rather den the one we parked 6yrs ago..but God made it tt way tt i hab to go my aunt's car to get the cash card and she parked it at the exact carpark 6 yrs ago
i visited my uncle...he toked to me..askin me abt work and life..he wans me to treasure my parents and my health..
den my aunt asked me to go downstairs to babysit my cousin and so i went off...who noes...i juz headed str8 up to the 7th flr...to the ward my godma was in and the ward tt she left me...i stared into space...but i din cry..im keepin my promise..to myself and to her
my dad found me on the 7th flr..held my hand and led me to the lobby..and asked me not to think abt it..he noes i noe tt we bth r feelin terrible..
ya den i went to babysit my cousin and we toked..he's 4 yrs old and all we toked abt was nemo ninja turtle spykids...den to the topic of batman..which reminds me of badman..
he is so cute lo...dalton..hee..he cud sing like william hung and he noes the lyrics better den i do...
and a joke frm him....cox i was wearing mjc blue hse tee..so i asked him the wings nice or not....noe wad he said?? my sch one nicer....
so i asked..ur sch one is wad pattern....
he said my sch one is a red thunder..den got a blue circle one...(PAP)
haha stupid right? i asked him PAP isit..den he say ya..hahaha
red thunder...e way he said it was so cute..and his face went red...haha
ya den today wednesday..nth v much...but ive been doin work...tutorials and things..
tonight gonna go home to do gp aq,math tutorial 3 assignment 2,physics study work energy power for the remedial tml and math integration assignment for remedial on fri...
hope got time..must finish or i wun slp...
cox later i going SRJC to see soccer with steph and karen...ya....tts abt all
hey~! juz came back frm shoppin with dear jiayi...so fun can...hahaha i spent another almost 80 bucks today la..plus yday so my savings of abt 130 is gone..but i happi jiu hao..who bothers abt money..aniway ill hab a rich old dying man for me to spend like 2000 bucks per day tt kind la haha..crap..
yeah tell u wad i bought at bugis k?? first i bought a dusty pink colour pants 34 bucks frm local designer SONG..in chinese tt song dynasty tt song la..ya not bad k..at least i can hab some copyright noone will hab the same one..mayb will but not as qiao ba..ya..den i bought a skirt..yellow colour de...frm bugis street..13 bucks..jia got the blue one..
yapz den i bought 3 pairs of earrings! one rainbow star tt jia has..3 bucks..den a dangling earrin at 5.50 bucks..den another one those hand made ones...got stones kind at 6.50..jia has the same one too! ya..den i got slippers at 6 bucks...plus plus plus add together plus the drinks and corrochan thingy tt i ate..got 80 ba..
shiok k!!! hahaha shoppin with dear is juz so different frm others..spend a lot n damn shuang..can forget a lot of things..loads of work and all the shit
yapz..den this morn i wake at 9 to bath my baby aiai...den we went out for food n see doctor....wa lao damnit can..the doc crack my neck again..in front of so mani pple..so paisehz..i din cry!!! for tt im proud..i rem my promise..not to cry...for anithing at all..hehe den still got the same medicine..and for my leg he asked me to do more sit and reach stuffs for blood circulation blablabla...he asked me lay on the bed..den he massaged the leg there lo..so pain lo!! yao si lo..den got a red colour lamp at my leg there so hot...aiyo..dunno wads wrong la..
another happy thing!!!!! i slimmed down liaoz!!!! hello!!! hahahahhahahahahhahahahahahah ever since those days...those sad times...those cant slp cant eat times...i was ard like 51 kg??? now im 47!!! im so shocked at tt..i tot i wud b like 49 la..god noes im 47!! hahahahhahhaha tts so much and so much of an achievement..hehe....wa..it feels great to noe i slimmed down..but not animore at the expense of my health la...i ate icecream today with jia!! yummy..hehe
tml sch start again liao..cant shop le..muz see pple tt i dun wish to see in sch again...like the tchers..haha stupid ah cheng..
but nvm..nice wkend..hope can end it with a nice ending..well..wad i wish for...cant b fufilled..i noe..but well..ya its been 3 days...but nvm..who bothers abt me for tt..haha..yapz...smilez! life is gd with shopping!!
oh ya! i read a article frm the her world magazine today! so shiok....its 12 lessons frm a super bitch!! and another one is 5 ways to get over him...
wana share a bit of the content with u guyz..
lesson 1 - men cant help being bastards!
lesson 2 - but they can be trained.
lesson 3 - be loving to keep him
lesson 4 - stand on ur 2 feet
lesson 5 - dun b afraid to roar
lesson 6 - dun be afraid of getting someone sacked
lesson 7 - respect other superbitches
lesson 8 - dare to tell pple to f*** off
lesson 9 - bitch only at pple who need it
lesson 10 - love urself first
lesson 11 - dun b selfish
lesson 12- fear nothing!
den the 5 ways to forget him is:
chuck out his boxers
go out with another guy
party it off
working it off
and spend thousands on shoppin!!
hahahaha nice cool articles frm her world right? not i purposeli go find de..is my jiejie buy one..hehe
alright..here is a update on my funky and lively weekend so far!
fri had sch till 5pm den i rushed to jia house to bath..so paiseh can..she wasnt home yet and her maid helped me iron clothes den i bathed and tok to her ah po in hokkien n made a bit sense out of her hainanese...shew..
ya den jia came back bath everything den we head off to jess place..when we were in kallang..rice called n said she cud come over to the bbq..and so me and jia waited for her in cityhall and bio pple meanwhile..she came and we crapped and played till jess bbq at yiochukang..first time to somewhere tt far away..din noe tt yiochukang is so so so near my hometown ang mo kio..haha
ya den there at the bbq was so mani pple..chungie sockkee irvin jefferson weiming junwei waikam steph jess me jia rice wanting denise jean blablabla...jess brother jonathan so cute and hyper..her sister so like her oso..tok the same and well..v alike lo..
jefferson wrote a song again this time is for jess..he sang at the poolside with his guitar..he sang also..some songs..like guiji...and other songs lo..ya..den we chiong back home without waiting for darlin claressa to reach la..cox too late liao..and i reached home at 12...den packed files hmmm..did a bit of reading of econs and my econs stuffs...wanted to do hw de but left my bag at jia's place so i did revision lo..
den i slpt at 3am after reading a chapter of a book entitled..waiting... i wonder y..but the title juz captures my interest
ya den slpt at 3am...got super painz...like muscle cramps at the legs..both legs at 4am all the way to 6am and i cudnt move cudnt slp...its very very pain..first time encounter lo..till 6 plus when my dad woke up den i shouted for help...cox i din wana wake anione up juz for me...cud move cudnt walk...numb legs..i wonder why..but im gonna see the doc tml lo..hope its nth v big..
ive been feeling better....my habit of hating food and the vomit feeling is over!
ok den abt today..i waki at ard 10..ok slack on bed till 10..den i did some hsework..den prepared to go out with jia..arranged to meet 110pm at tamp mrt de...but aiyo..i left my bag at jia's place den i no keys to get out..so jia had to bring my bag over to my hse and rescue me la..by the time she came my ma and mei were home liaoz..haha..sorry jia...thkz for it oso...sorry for the trouble...v heavy i noe..
yapz den we went to orchard to walk ard....far east..and haha shoppin with my dear is the best!!!! we bought another same top..at 10 bucks..i bought a pink top too and a bag frm POA..so nice can..all jia's reccomendations...thkz dear!
den jia bought a bag oso...earrings..a green top..and we bought flowers!!!!! we bought a sunflower for jess and jia dear bought me a blue rose!!!!!!! omg...im so so so touched...cox i was stunned at the beautiful blue rose..the nicest i hab seen..den i was saying i wana buy for myself..but it seem silly again..den noone buy flower give me..so sad...cox jia said es bought her tulips ma...ya den she buy for me...how swt my dear....haha
so so touched can!! i love u jia!
ya den we set off to the airport..on the train we saw tdh...yucks! haha he sms me and jia a while after he got down the train say paiseh nv say hi cox he shy...F off la..haha
we saw jess...took pics..and she started to tear as more of her frens came along..we crapped played and took pics..v nice...v warming...but tears flowed..stephie..jess...and when she went into the departure gates sockkee cried a lot...me?? i had a tear or 2 ard my eye...but it din come out....im strong!!!! hahahahha i promise nv to cry again la..not to let my tears flow outta my eyes...life shd b beautiful...
esp after today..went out with jia..saw mani things tt made me sad...all the shops were playing those songs...but i was at POA and this transexual served me..."she" so nice so kind can....life is wonderful if u see it frm a diff pt of view...im not a pathetic soul..im meiyi and a meiyi who is alwayz out for fun change love and peace! haha im crappy..
ya den we came home la...den im gonna bath now..den do hw....slping at like 1 or 2 am ba...hope my leg wun pain again....i dunwan to cry..haha
yapz...mama jiejie and meimei playing mahjong now...so cute...mayb i shd join??? change!! is all i wan..hahaha...ya tml goin out again!!! with dear....so nice..going bugis to shop this time rd...
oh ya!! and smthing else too..how can i forget this man...hahaha so proud!!
havent seen jieting in mths..and the first thing she said to me is.."hey almost cudnt recognise u lo!! u now so thin!!!" smthing like tt la..say i slimmed down a lot..and i look so thin...omg..so praised and happy k..hahaha....i love u jieting!
and oso smthing else..i finalli asked ne to help me buy the ck be perfume...daphne asked me not to buy cox its more for a man..i wanted to b butch la..but i think its silly..ill juz continue bioing butch jiu hao le..i wun b a succesful one..bought for the sake of self satisfaction of the smell....in sch can smell..no need run after mohammad for the smell..haha okie...lame...wadeva...nity nitez!
hey..in sch library now..its supposed to b self study la..den im waiting for stephie to fin sch and we go meet sista for a bit of shopping..yapz..gotta buy farewell pressie for jessica lo..
wonder wad to buy..me and rice tot of pillow case using the 4gr class photo..but haha guess wad? the photo at the side de is liangzhu! den when she uses it to slp..cox he is at the side..jess will b facing him...oh well..tts a turn off ba..how to slp..haha
and today im feeling so much better! be it my health or my feelings..im smiling liaoz~! great feelin
i got a rather gd slp yday..slpt at ard 11 den all the way to ard 5am den i auto waki..its an achievement liao! compared to wakin up at every hr..
and i ate!! for recess hahaha...but dam it..i dunno how to use chopstick den so sia sway lo...bish! hha
got the tickets to go for talentime in sch tml nite frm 7 ba..hope itll b fun..
juz toked to melvin..cox he came library for his lesson oso la..den i went out to take my wallet..so we toked lo~! hope can alwayz like tt ar..dunwan sian sian n scary de..
im takin things better liao..thkz to all of u.
hmmm wonder if i shd bitch not...aiyo at this moment hweepeng mami is on her hp with her fren..n commenting on some idiots on the com with her fren..think wad vote thing..aiyo...so cute hee.
oh ya..smthing is wrong with cherish and....la.but i aint interested animore..cool shit haha...
飞呀 飞呀
看那红色蜻蜓飞在蓝色天空
游戏在风中 不断追逐它的梦
天空是永恒的家 大地就是它的王国
飞翔是生活
我们的童年也像追逐成长吹来的风
轻轻地吹着梦想 慢慢地升空
红色的蜻蜓是我小时候的小小英雄
多希望有一天能和它一起飞
当烦恼越来越多 玻璃弹珠越来越少
我知道我已慢慢地长大了
红色的蜻蜓曾几何时
也在我岁月里慢慢不见了
我们都已经长大 好多梦正在飞
就像童年看到地红色的蜻蜓
我们都已经长大 好多梦正在飞
就像现在心目中红色的蜻蜓
how shd i b feeling now??...
im all broken and torn..pls bear with me and my nonsense..
trying to find some things to tell me wad i shd do and how i m feelin now..
Did I ever tell you how you live in me
Every waking moment, even in my dreams
And if all this talk is crazy
And you don't know what I mean
Does it really matter now
Just as long as I believe
Though my heart is breaking
Even if it takes a lifetime to get over you..i dun want to
People never tell you
The way they truly feel, i swear im not an angel, i dun deny that
I would die for you gladly
If I knew it was for real
So if all this talk sounds crazy
And the words don't come out right
Does it really matter
If it gets me through this night
If I'm true to myself, nobody else can take the place of you,this i know
But I've got to move on,even if i still love u..all my life..tell me what else can I do..i love u
"You Are My Heart"
How did I ever get to here
Why do I need you
Why do I have to cry these tears
Where do they lead to
I used to be so strong alone
When I was standing on my own
Now I don't know what to do
Was I too proud or just too blind
What does it matter
When love was in these hands of mine
I let it shatter
The pieces scattered to the wind
I'll never have them here again
But I'll remember how we were
The rest of time
You are my heart
How could I ever let you go
You are my soul
I had to lose my soul to know
How much you mean
To me, you are my heart
I think I see you everywhere
Isn't that crazy
I still reach out to feel you there
Lying beside me
I've learned a lot since you've been gone
About what I am and what I want
I know I only want to be in love with you
There's the sun to light the day
My colors turned to gray
The day I saw you walk away
Now there's nothing left to say
But when I dream, I pray
That life could be like yesterday
hey rice steph jia~! and melvin too! haha juz changed my new blog..hope wun b too much of an inconvenience for u all eh? take carez and enjoy..
yday was vday..and i went out with melvin...as a fren...it hurts..but i got smthing frm him...a necklace with a dog pendant and a heart pendant..i put them both together and theyre on me now..juz like the bracelet he bought for me on xmas and the earrings he bought for me on the 2nd mth..im not gonna give him up..not gonna let go..
he loves me and he loves prisc..prisc loves him and i love him..noone is at fault..onli time will tell who is realli meant for who..mayb one day prisc might fall in love with someone..mel might forget her..and we can b together..similarly..mayb one day ill forget mel to b with someone else..and mel forgets me too to b with prisc..or even..mel meets someone better den me and prisc and forgets the bth of us to b with the new gal..all these time will tell..it hurts me..but im thinking tt prisc felt worse tt time when mel ignored her for me..how can she take it..
and mel..he loves her and he loves me too..the feelin suck..and bth of us are not gonna let go..well..even if i do give him up..he cant forget me to b with her either..this prob will alwayz b there and onli time will tell..and i suppose if one day mel realli chose one of us...and let go of the other..it will b true love found for him..
i count myself lucki as i wasnt ignored by mel..like prisc suffered..since if i give up or not..it wudnt b sure tt they will b together..i shall follow my heart..to love him the way i do..
ya yday got sch road race..den met melvin 130 at somerset..we went to walk ard den watched the movie along came polly..afterwhich we went to paragon for dinner..the italian restaurant den walked ard more and went home..nice and memorable...no awkwardness..we cud tok and joke like in the past..can feel the love..but there wasnt wad normal couples did on vday..its alright for tt..cox im stucked in a triangle..
pple might say tt im being stupid..its alright..but im not gonna let go..if i love melvin..i shd noe tt for him to b happy is all tt matters to me..i shall msg him little cox i noe he has to share his smses with me and prisc..i cant ask him out tt often cox i hab to share with prisc..
he went out with me on vday..so today he is out with prisc..i muz b magnanimous as to not to sms and disturb em..cox she din do tt to me yday..
its not tt mel is a flirt or wad..to me..he is the most perfect guy..at least he chose to remain as frenz for bth of us..and he din choose to 2 time..think the one who is hurt most is him..cox he loves the 2 of us..but cant b with us cox he needs to b fair to us..and thru this he is not being fair to himself and is hurt..
ive done too mani wrongs as to complain and tok to pple abt us...nv think for him..thinkin tt i was right all along..
but now...ive decided...im nv gonna leave his side..its as a fren...but ill alwayz love him...until the day he makes his choice btwn us or another gal..till the day he says tt he doesnt love me..den i will give up..
prisc is the same...she loves mel so much too..prob even more den i do..mel says i haven seen his bad side..i presume prisc did..i realli pei fu her...if mel chooses her one day..ill zhufu them too..
wad i hope now is tt we..me mel and prisc can b frenz..yapz..juz like tt..
im not gonna let go..no no no...
melvin and i broke up today..10th feb...it hurts it realli does..my prayers din work..but luckili we're still gd frenz..mayb its another juz in name gd frenz...like wad bryan said to me...i dunwan all but a hoax...
i still love him and ill nv leave him..a part of me will alwayz b with him..got so much feelings inside me tt i cant hide..but i muz b strong..cox my stupidity has cost me someone i love a lot a lot..more den how i loved bryan...serious...its me..i noe how much ive put in..
juz hope tt this frenship will realli last us long..n let us hab a chance to b frenz again..pls...pls...im willin to lose aniting for this frenship..after the relationship tt ive lost..
haiz...i love melvin a lot a lot a lot..but too bad...its gonna b over..
i noe there will b this day..but nv expect it to b so soon...3 mths...
melvin is another guy whom i gave all my heart to..ys says im too serious in this
i wan the relationship..i wan melvin..i wana treasure him i wana hold him and tell him how much i love him n how much i care..
isit me? i hold on too tightly..i make him sad and hurt him cox of my stupidity..
but i still wish things can b fine..i will stop smsing him..dun rely..give him space and time..let me be...give me some time...pls pls God...let everything b fine
L O V E - A Journey
Why hold someone back.. when you noe you dun luv
them..
Why keep them to urself.. when you noe you wun
wanna hav them?
Why let them miss other chances.. when they can
hav them?
If you reli dun luv someone.. let them go.. hurt
them NOW.. not later.. for a longer relationship
builds stronger emotions..
A good relationship isnt a game you play or an
ego trip you take. It is abt luv and 2 people.
Lovin someone can giv us the greatest joy we can
eva noe and it can hurt more than we can believe
too. When it does not reli hurt when dat person
did smth disappointin to you, but reli hurts when
you see dat person in pain and sadness, then you
noe you truly luv dat person.
Lovin someone means you shld be ready to
experience heartache and happiness at the same
time. Dats the reward and dat's the risk. Unless
we are willin to experience it, we will neva reli
noe what its lik to luv and be loved. Sharin luv
is probably the most valuable and meaninful
experience a person can eva hav. And there's a
difference between bein in luv wit someone and
luvin someone. Its the difference between a luv
dat's fickle, wild and short-lived and one dat's
tender and passionate, nurturin and lasts a long
time. The first is easy. The second, the one dat
reli matters to all of us, takes work bcos its
abt keepin a relationship.
Luvin someone takes efforts. We hav to be able to
communicate wit each other. Nobody can read
anyone else's mind. We always presume dat our
partner noes wad we tink and feel. Maybe in time
we might be able to predict or sense each other's
thoughts but its neva perfect and takes time to
develop. Gettin the chance to luv and be loved by
someone is blessed. Respect him/her for who
he/she is, and not wad you wan him/her to be.
Everyone is pretty and special in his/her own
special way. No one is perfect. It is true luv
which closes the gap of imperfectness to form a
smooth surface of acceptance for each other. True
luv sees and accepts a person for who he/she is.
It is also true luv which makes a person change
for the better. The power of true luv to a person
is undeniable. A relationship needs commitments
too. What is luv without commitments from each
other anyway? It's lik principles and values.
Everyone has them but they only mean as much as
we are willin to stand for them. The same goes
for our commitments to relationships, and the
person we luv.
"Luv is lik an antique vase. Its hard to find,
hard to net, but easy to break." Every day
everywhere, people fall in luv.. but juz how many
of these relationships are self-sacrificin luv,
and not juz relationships which are formed only
for the intense! feelin of fallin in love? I noe
hundreds of friends who say the magical words "I
luv you".. but more often than not, the truth is
juz I am IN luv with you. There is a difference
between bein in luv with someone and luvin
someone. If a person says he/she is in luv with
you, he/she means dat he/she likes you for who
you are now and he/she fell in luv with you bcos
of the present you. This kind of luv is temporary
and lasts only as long as the fairytale lasts.
When fairy godmother cums in at midnight to whirl
us back to reality, we see the heartache of such
a relationship.. where both were only IN luv with
each other. But if a person says he/she luvs you,
he/she means dat he/she luvs you unconditionally
for who you are now, who you were in the past and
who you might be in the future. When he/she says
he/she luvs you and reli means it, you hav to ask
urself if you luv him/her too or if you're in luv
with the idea of bein in love. It is very hard to
see the difference through logical thinkin. Let
your heart guide you. May you be blessed on your
soul-searchin journey for your soul mate.
ARE YOU RELI IN LOVE? ASK URSELF!
Is this true luv? Do I reli luv him/her? Or izzit
juz another infatuation? ARE YOU willin to giv?
Even though you may not get back the same amount
you gav? ARE YOU cheatin urself? Thinkin dat you
reli luv him/her and not juz takin him/her as a
substitute for your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend?
Friends, let today be the day.. you truly
understand love. If after readin this and
answerin all the questions, you are very sure dat
you luv him/her, tell him/her dat. Let him/her
noe how much you luv him/her and dat you are
willin to take the risks of bein hurt by him/her
in the course of the development of your
relationship with him/her. This is a luv dats
sacrificial, ARE YOU ready for it? If you accept
someone's philosophy dat is simply their
rationalisation to justify their failure, you
accept their failures!
**The greatest regrets in our lives are the risks
we did not take.** If you tink smth will make you
happy, go for it. **Remember dat we pass this way
only once.**
YoU cAn'T mAkE sOmEoNe LuV yOu, aLl YoU cAn Do Is
Be SoMeOnE wHo CaN bE lOvEd, ThE rEsT iS uP tO
tHe PeRsOn To ReAlIzE yOuR wOrTh~
~After all, to love is Nothing
to be loved is SOMETHING
to love and be loved by you...
sch library again..waiting for stephie to fin sch and meet sista for pool..hopefulli he will feel better lo..
lies lies nuthin but pack of lies...arent she cruel to hurt him..its affecting me in some way...but wadeva who cares..
eh jia..if ure readin this..anitime u wana get out with tdh with whoever and u need me..juz arrange the time! im ok with it de...juz tt i dun like em onli..but i noe u dun like em too!! so ill pei u thru de k...
in sch library now..doing nth...juz did a test tho..on NUS dunno wad de..ask stupid questions..president of East Timor..APEC ASEM..blablabla..god noes wad they are..wadeva..
ya..juz planned my things for the wk somehow..well...today shall go home study..den tml hopefulli see how can study with mel or not..if not ill go ssc pei sista play pool or wad..thurs no pt..study...fri study..sat test! den afterwhich see got go out not..ill go buy jonathan's bdae pressi.if dun hab ill ask jonathan out or smthing..hope someone can pei me la..sianz si
den sunday hopefulli oso..can go out..aiyah wadeva..im crappin..shut up..shd b going home soon le..haiz..listen to liang jing ru and stare into space on bus haha...tc!
went to jiayi's hse yday!!!!!! haha watched a stupid hospital show together and a bit of spy kids..yapz quite fun! stayed till 12 plus lo..paiseh to stay till too late ..
got lots things happened recentli..make me v blur...why do pple nowadays..can find it alright to actuali hab so mani partners?..how can tt b possible..i m conservative still i think..i cant accept things like it is..the cruelity of reality...how can tt slut do tt to alex n sista..it hurts me to see em like tt lo..well..haiz...no mood now to do anithing..keep thinking abt it...how do we noe if we're being cheated on? how do we noe if the person is true?? of cox tt doesnt apply for me..those qns...but im scared of it..but wad can i do..lets juz hope tt she can make it thru to alex tt there's no others ba..
havent been able to study..noe a's near..but the probs ard are juz too overwhelming..
i wana b guai..to study and stuffs like tt...but things fill my mind..for a moment i can b happi..and the next..im devastated..hab been staring into space..without things going on in my mind..and like those tv..when pple call me i dun respond well.everytime in sch i try to concentrate..during lesson i noe my stuffs..afterwhich i dun..everytime at the mention of econs..i get headache..my mind feels heavy..
and abt myself..i will tend to fix stuffs on myself..but wadeva..who bothers..??
ya..i shd b changing my url soon...after i noe how to do it..tt onli steph rice jia mel and several few noes de..wadeva..=( byebye
yday went out!!! instead of doin cip cox i tot of bringing my laptop to fix lo..den morn 11 like tt i called nec..it says mons to fris...so bo bianz it was too late to go to sch for that liao aniwae...den luigi called me to tell me tt he was back in sg and in town..and aniwae i was meeting melvin..so we went to orchard to meet up for a while..it feels great to see an old fren like tt! went to hmv with him to buy cd lo..den afterwhich mel and me went off lo..watched movie and went ard walkin..bought him slippers! as vday gift..ya like tt loz...hahah